Me

When I say I'm sorry...

Some things are not often contemplated, but when they are they won't leave you alone until you've successfully run them out of your system. I guess this is one that I need to get out of mine. So many people use "I'm sorry" and even frequently... but what does it mean? Each time said by each different person on each different occasion, it means something different. But what does it mean to u? and what does it mean to me?

When I say I"m sorry....

~ I realize I've made a major mistake

~ I reallize that I hurt someone very much or maybe just a little but because I care so much about them it hurts me even more to know they hurt.

~ I feel the pain I've caused even if they can't even see it themselves.

~ I want to wrap my arms around you and make you realize that everything can be ok and I wish I hadn't screwed up so royally.

~I feel deep in my soul that had anyone cause that much pain in that way to those closest to me I'd want to make them regret it.

~ I make myself regret it in a worse way than a sibling or cousin or friend, etc. of the one I hurt ever could.

~ I see the way things could have been if it weren't for my foibles and misgivings and wonder why I can't seem to keep myself from destroying beautiful things so often.

~ I see the pain in your eyes and feel it in your voice and it rends me into millions of tiny pieces.

~ I know things could never be the same and hope maybe they'll be better one day.

~ Perhaps it's worse than physical pain... no visible bruises, scars, scrapes, cuts, scabs, etc. will show but on the inside i've turned my heart black and blue

~ I wish I'd never done that to you

~ I wish I could take it all back.
... even all the happiness perhaps... for otherwise I could never cover up such burdens of anguish and crudeness

~ I wish you could see I only wanted happiness for us... you and me.
... maybe we can't be together, but it would have been so much better had I not inflicted so much pain.

~I'm sorry for the way it hurts, stings, bleeds, etc.

~I'm sorry for the pain that errupts at inoppurtune times or happiness causeing gloom to shield you from the sun

~I'm sorry for the memories that flash as you lay down to sleep at night, step into the shower in the morning, or simply blur in the drink on the table....

~I'm sorry. I am. I'm sorry. Sorry that I could never be just what made u happy despite the words that fell from your lips each day. Sorry that I ruined things by being lost in a new world as new whisperings curled off your tongue. Sorry that I'm imperfect when I yearned so much to be for you.

~I'm sorry that you never saw the real me before you fell into the deep. Sorry that you got tired of treading water before I could bail out the ship. Sorry that it took so long to fix the leak in the haul and water slowly seeped in higher and higher overhead. Sorry that it was too late, that the whole continued to widen and allow more threatening liquid in at a time. Sorry that it took so long for me to realize what was happening... and then it seemed to late. Sorry that such precious things drowned in that boat. Sorry... VERY SORRY..

~ I know that restitution is not possible but repentance is.

~ I know it doesn't matter much anymore to most, but it still means something to me. Though once Shipwrecked, I've found safety in my Savior. Carried to shore and saved from my own foolishness. It wasn't the first time and unfortunately probably won't be the last. But my ship is as new sailing above the condemning waves. I have grown richer from the voyage though in many ways I feel poorer. I have lost important treasure along the way. Someday, I will sail into the sunset and happily land in paradise to live joyfully. When this day comes, I will not return to the sea. I will be cured of the wonderings of the natural man... I will no longer need to travel.

~ I, most of all, hope you will forgive me truly and wholly and be able to repent yourself and know that you were forgiven by me before any crime was commited. I hope you will find joy and light and truth. I hope someday you may see me in that place of paradise contented from your own voyages and we may laugh and reminisce together about the folly we overcame. I hope that we will be able to share our families together and be as family whether in spirit alone or in complete entirety..... I hope the best for you.



When I say I'm sorry,
I say an awful lot.
It's hard to speak the words
I've felt within my heart.
But before we part,
I can not leave it be.
There's something I must say
buried deep within me.
As it floats to the top
of the feelings held inside,
I wonder why it's difficult
and why I want to hide.
So much more I could say
but will it cause more pain than good?
I'd rather not hurt you,
but I seek to be understood.
Finally my lips find the right words
the only thing left to say
"I'm sorry" my lips softly utter
and I hide the tears as I slowly walk away.